1 Corinthians 7:1-16. Sex, Marriage and Divorce

In western cultures around fifty per cent of marriages end in separation. The problem of troubled relationships is just as much in the church as outside. Paul, in his first letter to the Corinthians tackles these issues head on. It is important to remember that Paul is primarily addressing the particular problems they had in Corinth in the first century, although, as we look at what he has to say, there is much that is relevant to us today.

Biblical Principles about Sex 1Corinthians 7:1-7

Paul had been sent a letter from some in the Corinthian church about the problems they were facing. We do not have this letter today but, from Paul’s replies, we can deduce several of the issues. One of those raised is addressed in this section,

“Now for the matters you wrote about: ‘It is good for a man not to touch a woman.’” 1 Corinthians 7:1

The Greek has been variously translated, ‘It is good for a man not to marry’ or more literally ‘It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.’ In early churches there were some who taught that celibacy, the abstinence from all sexual relationships, was somehow more spiritual than being married. They would have referred to Jesus and Paul as examples.

Triumphalism, an attitude of superiority, where a group or individual supposes that their way of thinking trumps that of others, was a feature of the first century church in Corinth, just as it is in some churches today. It can lead to some strange doctrines. In Corinth some regarded sex as being dirty and immoral. They were saying, ‘If you are really spiritual you will stay away from sex as this is spiritually defiling.’

This attitude led towards a high view of celibacy amongst some religious people. The question was debated at the Council of Nicea in 325AD but was voted against on the basis that God had invented and therefore ordained sex. However this way of thinking has continued in certain religious circles and was one of the factors that led to the Great Schism between Eastern Orthodox and Roman Catholic churches in 1054AD. At that time the Pope, Gregory VII insisted on priests being celibate.

To divorce physical life from spiritual life is to advocate a form of spiritual schizophrenia. I have been reading ‘The Popes, a History’ by the historian, Lord Norwich. The appallingly immoral behaviour of many church leaders in medieval Rome was partly the result that sexual instincts were officially denied. If only church leaders had understood the teaching of 1 Corinthians 7, they might have prevented the widespread sexual misdemeanours of clergy over the centuries. Recently an Irish Roman Catholic Bishop has claimed that one in ten of Irish priests are in a sexual relationship and that eighty per cent have broken their vows of celibacy.

Paul argues that God made men and women for marriage with both anatomical and psychological features to support these relationships. Sex is a natural and wonderful gift from God and is certainly not wrong or dirty, but it must be practised with marriage. God wants godly children and he made us with the potential to procreate. Thus he writes,

“But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband.” 1 Corinthians 7:2

He also emphasises that married couples must respond to the sexual needs of their partners.

“The husband should fulfil his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to the husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife.” 1 Corinthians 7:3-4

Note that there is great equality taught here. To deny conjugal rights within marriage is wrong. One feature of troubled marriages is that a hurt wife or husband may refuse to satisfy their partner sexually. This can only increase tension and anger. Refusal to engage in sex can be used as a weapon within a troubled marriage and can only damage the relationship further.

Paul has already stressed that sex outside of marriage is wrong.

“Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body.” 1 Corinthians 6:16

A ‘prostitute’ is literally a ‘stand-in’ proxy wife and such extramarital relationships are criticised throughout Scripture.

Yet while lifelong marriage is the norm in God’s society, it is certainly not mandatory for those who want to be godly. Paul stresses that there are great advantages in remaining single as this can facilitate the spread of the gospel.

“I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.” 1 Corinthians 7:7

A survey of church leaders who have been really effective in promoting the gospel will demonstrate this point. Men such as John Stott, Dick Lucas and Vaughan Roberts have been freed for effective gospel work because they do not have family responsibilities. Women such as Gladys Aylward, Corrie ten Boom and Amy Carmichael have stood out. Praise God for people such as these. However these are choices that each individual must make before God as he also wants Christian parents.

It is therefore important for each Christian to decide whether they are qualified to live a single life.

Jesus himself addressed this question when discussing the question of divorce with his disciples. The disciples then asked Jesus, whether it is better not to marry. Jesus replied,

Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. For there are eunuchs who were born that way, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by others - and there are those who choose to live like eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Those who can accept this should accept it.” Matthew 19:11-12

Paul also wants to make it clear that celibacy is not compulsory for godly people but is recommended because the cause of promoting the gospel is so important. Singleness does have practical advantages but must never be confused with spiritual advancement.

Nearly all Jewish Rabbis were married when young so it is likely that Paul had also been married. We know Peter had been married as Jesus had healed his mother in law (Mark 1:30). We do not know if Paul’s wife died or whether she left him, he hasn’t mentioned this, he just gets on with the job God has given him.

In this letter Paul now goes on to talk about three different groups of people.

The unmarried, the divorced and the widows 1 Corinthians 7:8-9

Again Paul advises that only those people who do not feel under pressure who should remain single.

“Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” 1 Corinthians 7:8-9

Later in this chapter he writes,

“I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs – how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world – how he can please his wife – and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world – how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.” 1 Corinthians 7:32-35

Clearly the underlying idea is that all Christians should make the Lord’s priorities their priority. Marriage can interfere with the promotion of the Lord’s affairs and our prime concern must be to please him.

‘Burning with passion’ is an interesting concept. Just as a fire can be fed with combustible material, so can people’s minds ‘burn’ if fed the wrong material. Any person feeding themselves on films or books full of sex will find their minds being influenced and they will find that they constantly drift back into thinking sexually. The temptation to repeatedly mull on sexual matters can become overpowering and affect a person psychologically.

However celibacy is certainly not for everyone. An alternative answer, if a person’s sex drive is a big issue, is to get married. It is an unhelpful situation for a man or woman to have hormones rushing around and yet to be told that celibacy is essential. The suppression of deep-seated desires has no merit. Paul would certainly not support a compulsory celibate position for church leaders such as the Roman Catholic Church has demanded. J.B. Phillips has translated verse nine as,

“I think it is far better to be married than tortured by unsatisfied desire.”

Similar teaching applies to Christian widows. It is significant that Paul returns to the issues widows face again later in the chapter, where he writes,

“But if her husband dies she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord.” 1 Corinthians 7:39

Widows, facing loneliness, can be in a similar position to younger people and the pressures can so easily tug them away from living for Christ. Christ must be at the forefront of our relationships.

The Bible is adamant that Christians should not allow themselves to become personally involved with a non-Christian. If it leads to marriage the Christian will be divided over their commitment to Christ and to their marriage. It will be difficult to use the home actively for Christ. Involvement in church activities, regular attendance at the services, helping with the children’s work and involvement in a home group will inevitably become a tussle and Christ and his kingdom will lose out.

Married Couples

Paul begins this section with a phrase that some misunderstand.

“To the married I give this command, (not I, but the Lord).” 1 Corinthians 7:10

By this he means that Jesus has already given specific instructions. The prophet Malachi (2:16) taught that ‘God hates divorce’, so we should do everything to make marriages work. In Matthew Jesus talks to some Pharisees about divorce. They quoted Moses saying he permitted divorce. Jesus explains that this was only necessary because peoples’ ‘hearts were hard’ but adds,

“Anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.” Matthew 19:9

Elsewhere Jesus explains that lifelong marriage is what God wants for men and women.

“Therefore what God has joined together, let no-one separate.” Mark 10:9

In Corinth there were some ‘super-spiritual’ people who were finding their marriages stifling. Perhaps they thought they had made a mistake. Perhaps they argued that they would be more use to the Lord if they were freed from the responsibilities of marriage. Paul is very clear,

“A wife must not separate from her husband,” and “A husband must not divorce his wife.” 1 Corinthians 7:10-11

If a Christian is considering divorce they should stop thinking this way immediately. Divorce is not an option, even though it may be forced upon a Christian. Instead, consider how God wants to rekindle that lost passion and renew that love and recommit yourself to your marriage and do all you can to make this happen. Avoid arguments at all cost and go the second mile!

Many marriages that have experienced even serious problems, such as alcoholism, infidelity and emotional neglect are now happy after working through their problems. Usually this has to be initiated by one of the partners. It can be embarrassing to face up to the problems we have caused. One study found that about 3 in 10 currently married individuals at one time thought their marriage was in serious trouble and thought of divorce. However more than 90 per cent of these individuals, who have worked at their marriages, said that they were glad they stayed together and their marriages were now much stronger.

It has been asked, why Paul does not include the exception clause that Jesus included,

“ . . . except for marital unfaithfulness.” Matthew 19:9

The probable reason is that, in Corinth, sexual promiscuity was rife and it is likely that many couples who joined the church had previously indulged in this. It is easy to imagine a bitter domestic argument after a bad week at work and one of the partners raking up some details of a murky past. If this exclusion clause was emphasised, it could be used as a legal reason for divorce and many good marriages could be ruined. Possibly a majority of church members might have been able to use this as a ground for divorce!

This teaching on sex, marriage and divorce is radical and so different to that which is current today. Family values can only be understood in the light of God’s plan for families with one dad, one mum and all learning to live together harmoniously.

The Bible negates homosexual or lesbian marriages. God’s family values stand against the current vogue for divorce and sex outside marriage.

Married to an Unbeliever

To those married to unbelievers Paul again starts in a strange way,

“To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord).” 1 Corinthians 7:12

Some have questioned whether this section is divinely inspired, but elsewhere we learn that ‘all Scripture is inspired by God’ (2 Timothy 3:16). Surely Paul means that neither Jesus nor the Old Testament have given previous light on this topic. This is in contrast to verse 10 where Jesus has previously spoken about the question of divorce.

In a marriage where one of the partners has become a Christian since being married God says that the marriage vow still stands. The couple must work at it. In spite of being original teaching, it still has apostolic authority.

Some seemed to be saying, ‘How can I maintain my spiritual maturity if I am married to a pagan? Is this not a ground for divorce?’ Paul replies plainly, ‘No, it is not.” Even in that very difficult situation,

“A woman is bound to her husband as long as she lives.” 1 Corinthians 7:39

If the partner is willing, the spiritual priority is to make the marriage work. The pastoral concern that follows is superb,

“For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is they are holy.” 1 Corinthians 7:14

This doesn’t mean that the unbelieving partner will be saved but they do become members of the church family which should only be for their benefit. By the godly behaviour of the Christian partner it is possible that the spouse may come to follow Jesus too and so be saved.

“How do you know wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife.” 1 Corinthians 7:16

Grounds for Remarrying

In the Bible there are just three grounds for remarriage.

1. The spouse has died (1 Corinthians 7:39 and Romans 7:3)

2. The spouse has committed adultery (Matthew 19:14)

Some translators have translated this as ‘marital unfaithfulness’. Surely violence or severe psychological warfare against a spouse is also unfaithfulness. Bishop Frank Retief’s book ‘Divorce’ is very helpful on this question.

3. The spouse couldn’t stand living with a Christian believer (1 Corinthians 7:15)

The presumption in the Bible is that, if divorced, remarriage is then permitted by God.

Summary

Divorce is hated by the God who made us for lifelong marriages. What he wants to see in us is a godliness which affects all our relationships for the better. God does want some of us to be single-mindedly committed to his cause but he specially equips those for this role.

We Christians must not let the world dictate how we live and think. We must make pleasing the Lord our goal, whatever adverse circumstances turn up. J.B. Phillips has translated the famous passage on worship in the following way,

“Don’t let the world around you squeeze you into its own mould, but let God remould your minds from within, so that you may prove in practice that the plan of God for you is good.” Romans 12:2

If a believer has been divorced, for whatever reason, then they must not let Satan accuse them of past sin – they must move on. All those sins have been paid for and forgotten by the cross of the Lord Jesus.

If a believer is going through a difficult marriage, do all you can to remedy the problems. Don’t let the world talk you into making a ‘run for it’ but keep asking the Lord to rekindle and renew your marriage.

The world is watching to see if Christians really are different or not.

BVP

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Ephesians 5: 3-7. ‘Keep Yourself Pure’